Your Personal Spiritual Trainer

The Bible compares spiritual development to a physical workout ...

I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. (1 Corinthians 9:27)

Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1)

Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. (Philippians 2:12-13)

Spiritual growth requires a good diet and regular exercise. The Good Feed Media App is like a portable spiritual trainer with a healthy menu of content for personal growth and spiritual development. Fat-free. Spiritually filling.

Main course items are on the Media Series channel with multi-session topical and Bible book studies. Most sessions provide a digital outline with spaces to record your thoughts and personal applications. Click the OUTLINE button under the description or the TAKE A NOTE button if you prefer a blank page. Sign in to your profile, and your notes will sync across your devices.

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— MAIN COURSE MENU —

Essentials For Life

Eight sessions for men and women presented by Tierce Green. This series constructs a framework for spiritual growth that is built with three Essential Relationships — Devotion To God, Community With Believers, and Influence With Others. Each session is around 30 minutes.

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Fight Club: Some Things Are Worth Fighting For

Twelve sessions for men presented by Tierce Green. Fight Club is packed with straight talk to help men build a strong and active faith. Each session is around 30 minutes.

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The Cure For Toxic Masculinity

Three short sessions for men presented by Tierce Green. This micro-series is a good conversation starter about what manhood is intended to be. Each session is around 6 minutes.

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The Captivating Experience

Seven sessions for women presented by Stasi Eldredge. This series reveals every woman's longing to be loved, play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and bring life and beauty to the world. The main sessions are under 20 minutes each.

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The Wild At Heart Experience

Seven sessions for men featuring the teaching of John Eldredge and stories of men pursuing their warrior hearts through God's invitation of battle, adventure, and beauty. The main sessions are around 20 minutes each.

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How To Study The Bible

Three sessions for men and women presented by Bruce Webb. This short series provides practical principles for understanding and applying God’s Word. Each session is around 30 minutes. (No outlines or discussion questions.)

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— 5-Minute Bible StudieS —

These four series by Paul Tripp are perfect to kick-start your Bible Study journey or as a supplement to one of the other media series on this channel.

The Gospel One Book At A Time

Summaries of each book of the Bible and how they point us to Jesus.

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The Gospel One Psalm At A Time

Selected Psalms with discussion questions for men and women, plus questions for younger and older children.

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The Gospel One Proverb At A Time

A thematic study of Proverbs and how this book of wisdom points to Jesus.

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The Gospel One Letter At A Time

Insights from the Letter of 1 Peter.

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— A LA CARTE MENU —

Individual Talks

Standalone topical messages and exegetical scripture studies. Pick five or six to experience with a friend or small group.

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Stories

Personal stories of faith for inspiration and examples of application.

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Worship

Videos of original songs to guide your personal worship or begin a small group session.

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[1] Find a Partner. It’s always best to process what you’re learning with another person or small group of friends. Be sure each person has downloaded the Good Feed Media App and signed in to their profile. Questions to get the conversation started are at the end of most media series sessions. Aim to make it conversational, not just a clinical ask-and-answer session.

[2] Watch the Sessions.  (1) Watch independently, then discuss in person or via a video/conference call. (2) Watch together by connecting your phone or tablet to a streaming device. (3) For larger public gatherings, purchase a Video Bundle Download and project the sessions via the A/V system in your venue. A print-ready PDF of the workbook is also available if you prefer an analog format. Learn more at goodfeedmedia.com

[3] Listen to the Sessions. Switch to the audio-only version by clicking the three dots on the bottom right of a video session, or just listen to the video version as you drive, walk, or work out. Perfect for make-up and review. Repetition is key.

[4] Build God’s Word Into Your Life. When scriptures resonate with your life experience, make notes and memorize them. Transformation happens when our minds are renewed as we meditate on God’s Word. Again, repetition is key.

[5] Practical Application. Information without application always leads to frustration. Aim for personal applications. Write them down. Share them with a trustworthy friend who will reciprocate by sharing their personal applications with you.

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Breaking the Bank – 2 Indicators of What Matters Most

There are at least two indicators that reveal what we value the most.

The first is our money. We invest in what we believe in. That’s what Jesus meant when He said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). Our investments lie where our affections lie.

Our calendar is another indicator. It’s been said that time is our most valuable commodity. We devote this priceless resource to what we determine to be valuable. We will break the bank—the bank that holds our money and the bank that controls our time—for what we truly treasure.

One day Jesus illustrated the value of the kingdom of heaven in a couple of two-sentence parables in Matthew 13:44-46, The Hidden Treasure and The Pearl. He said,

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy, went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

Another day Jesus called attention to a real-life application of what it looks like when we discover the great value of the kingdom of heaven. It happened in the temple with some religious high-rollers and a simple woman whose generosity outshined them all.

This short story is recorded in Mark 12:41-44 ...

Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

Take an honest look at your accounts and your calendar. Each is a reflection of what’s in your heart and what you value the most. Be careful not to compare the amount of money or time you give with what others are doing. Ten thousand dollars is like a thousand to some and a hundred to another. All may be generous unless you are comfortably and conveniently giving out of your surplus.

What are you breaking the bank for—the bank that holds your money and the bank that controls your time?

We invest in what we believe in.

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Mission Update: June 2022

A brief recap of the Authentic Manhood Initiative and the launch of Good Feed Media.

By Tierce Green

We’re closing in on completing four years of a mission that began in September 2018. Here’s a brief recap:

The Authentic Manhood content, starting with Men's Fraternity and now 33 The Series, has reached about three million men worldwide! That's incredible, but there are over 100 million men in America alone, and most of them have never heard these principles of biblical manhood. We still have a lot of work to do. Over the past four years, our mission—Authentic Manhood Initiative—has helped launch over 100 gatherings in 32 states that meet in churches, businesses, and marketplace venues. I have also coached leaders in South Africa, Australia, Hong Kong, Kenya, and Canada.

Authentic Manhood Initiative continues to provide resources to prison ministries, recovery centers, and military environments, either through outright donations of materials or by extending discounts to those who need a little financial assistance. That means we're putting hundreds of 33 The Series Training Guides into the hands of inmates, military veterans, and men on the road to recovery from addictions. With our connections, we could easily double the impact from hundreds of Training Guides to thousands in just one year with designated donations.

In the Spring of 2020, the pandemic shut down most public gatherings. Prisons and recovery centers were closed to outside teams. My speaking events at conferences and retreats were canceled. However, we leveraged technology to help men stay connected virtually. I've been able to teach men and train leaders from South Jersey to South Africa from my patio in South Texas! Using technology to help men stay connected virtually when they can't be in the room physically is one of the things I hope we'll continue as we emerge from this pandemic.

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POST-PANDEMIC RESET

I'm excited about crisscrossing the country again to speak at retreats and conferences. I'm scheduling more in-person events as the world opens up again. Last Fall and this Spring, I taught Volumes 1 & 2 of 33 The Series live at a gathering for men here in The Woodlands, TX. I’m scheduled to teach Volume 3: A Man and His Traps this Fall. Pray that these events will create a ripple effect that impacts families, churches, and communities beyond the gatherings.

As prisons and recovery centers allow outside mission teams to come back in, I have more opportunities to provide coaching and resources. I'm scheduling days to go with some of these teams and encourage the inmates in person. The need is huge. I'd love to provide more resources to support these groups.

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GOOD FEED MEDIA: FREE APP. FREE CONTENT.

A big good thing that came out of the pandemic lock-down for me was more time to create and produce new content. We launched the Good Feed Media app earlier this year. All of the content is FREE. There is no obligation to pay anything, just the opportunity to pay it forward and help us keep it free.

The first featured series is called Essentials For Life. This 8-session series lays out the right foundation and framework to experience a full and meaningful life as promised by Jesus. It’s a great next step for new believers and an effective disciple-making tool for veterans of the faith. Essentials For Life is for everyone—men, women, and students. It's already being used in churches, small groups, prisons, and marketplace environments.

We also remastered a series called Fight Club: Some Things Are Worth Fighting For and added it to the Good Feed Media Series Channel. Fight Club was created several years ago for a seasonal gathering of men called The Quest. We filmed the content at Chad Robichaux’s Gracie Baja Jiu-Jitsu studio in The Woodlands. Chad became the President & Founder of Mighty Oaks Warrior Programs and the Director of Veteran Affairs for Serving California, two non-profit organizations dedicated to helping our combat heroes suffering from the unseen wounds of combat stress and PTSD. The Mighty Oaks Edition of Fight Club was highly effective in helping many combat heroes find their way home.

We continue to receive requests from men around the world for Fight Club. As we were editing and remastering the original videos for this version, it became clear that this series is still relevant and important to help men today build a strong and active faith.

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Each series we create for Good Feed Media will contain teaching session videos plus digital outlines with note-taking and shareable features all within the app. For public gatherings, we're offering Video Bundle downloads and a license to print physical workbooks.

Working titles for the next three series:

• Life Interrupted: Finding Peace in the Midst of Trouble

• High Anxiety: Updating Your Operating System

• Pendulum: The Danger of Over-Correcting

Learn more at goodfeedmedia.com. Download the app from the Apple App Store, Google Play, or Amazon.

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A BIG QUESTION

How do we create quality content like this and give it all away? We can’t without your help! Production costs average $25,000 for each series and take about six months to complete. I want to create and produce three new series over the next twenty-four months.

Would you pray about partnering with us? Go to tiercegreen.com/give for options. You can make general donations to support the overall operating budget for our mission or designated donations to Good Feed Media or Authentic Manhood Initiative.

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I love questions and ideas that can keep this mission moving forward. Contact me: tierce@tiercegreen.com. If you live in the Houston area, let's get together and talk about it over breakfast, coffee, or lunch.

Thank you for your prayers, support, and encouragement.

— Tierce

A Tribute to Dolores Doles

By Tierce Green

Dolores Doles pointed me to Jesus.

She embodied grace and truth and was one of the brightest lights in a spiritually dark time in my life.

I was in the 10th Grade when I met her. She was an Administrative Assistant in the church I attended and a consistent presence in our student ministry as a volunteer. I had gone through the motions of being baptized when I was 12-years-old. I had written some songs about Jesus, not because I was a follower, but because I was a musician who knew the Bible from years of church attendance. When Dolores learned about my backstory, she began to cut through my religious facade with kindness and grace.

Singing and playing guitar gave me some stage time, not only in my high school but in my church. While my songs inspired people in the church, Dolores would encourage me after I sang and then say, “You know, it would be so much better if you were a follower of Jesus.” She loved me enough to tell me the truth, but she was compassionate, never self-righteous.

I was drifting, and my first year in college grew increasingly dark. My grades were a roller coaster, and I experimented with different social, philosophical, and recreational options. But each week, I received a personal note from Dolores in the mail. Some weeks they were attached to a care package of homemade chocolate chip cookies, which motivated me to read her letters.

Dolores would always write how she was praying for me and looking forward to the day I would put my faith in Jesus. At first, those notes made me feel encouraged that someone cared that much. But then, as the conviction of the Holy Spirit pierced through my thoughts and intentions, I became irritated by her expressions of love and concern. God was turning up the heat, and I began to grow increasingly uncomfortable with who I was and where I was in life. To relieve the pressure, I responded to Dolores’ kindness with sarcasm and eventually cynicism.

But the notes and prayers and cookies kept coming. I realized later that Dolores was more concerned that I would respond to God’s grace and put my faith in Jesus than she was about how I treated her.

I got a job in a musical theme park in Nashville the summer following my freshman year. That culture, at least behind the scenes, pulled me deeper into a downward spiral. But God crossed my path with other true believers who pointed me to Jesus. God’s grace and truth became apparent, compelling, and irresistible. At the end of that summer, I put my faith in Jesus.

I was anxious to share the news, but it was a time when there were no smartphones with social media. On an old-school landline, the first person I called was my Mom, who had been pointing me to Jesus for as long as I could remember. I knew my choices and lifestyle had broken her heart. But she had been tag-teaming with Dolores and praying for me all those years.

The second person I called was Dolores. She was skeptical because of my cynicism and my cruel actions in response to her kindness. When I told her I had decided to follow Jesus, she said, “You’re not kidding, are you?”

I can’t begin to express how much joy and gratefulness filled my heart at that moment. I choked up when I said to her, “No, I’m not kidding. And I want to thank you that even though I gave you plenty of reasons to write me off your list and turn your back on me, you never gave up!”

Through the rest of my college years, I was part of a group that met regularly in the house of Ralph and Dolores Doles. It was a multi-generational gathering of students and adults, married and single. We wanted to grow in our faith and get to know God through His Word. It was a time before labels like Small Group, Community Group, or House Church were common in the church. We studied God’s Word, worshipped together, and experienced true community with believers in that house on the top of a hill in Hueytown, Alabama. In that environment, I discovered that God had given me the gift of teaching. It put me on a new trajectory—a life mission to point people to Jesus.

That was decades ago, and I am just one of many stories of the people that Dolores pointed to Jesus. I join countless others celebrating her life and legacy, not just in this week after her death but for the rest of my life. All for the glory of our Lord and Savior Jesus—the way, the truth, and the life.

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Life Interrupted

By Tierce Green

One of my favorite John Lennon songs is Beautiful Boy, written for his son, Sean. He includes a quote from Allen Saunders that says, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." That's a good description of 2021 for me. In December of 2020, I posted a Mission Update video—#STILLHERE—that included an exciting game plan for 2021. And then I went dark. Life happened …

My brother-in-law, Benny Edwards, lost his final battle with cancer on January 22, 2021. We had prayed through other battles and witnessed miraculous comebacks, but this time his one remaining kidney was functioning below twenty percent, and his body couldn't take anymore.

We went to the deep end with our conversations last Fall and even in his last days over the phone and FaceTime while he was in the hospital. He asked me if I would do his funeral, and we had the rare opportunity almost to write it out together. Two days before he died, he had a surge of energy and was sitting up in a recliner in his ICU room. He was hopeful that he had turned a corner. But he was gone in about 48 hours.

Benny was twelve years my senior. He was like a brother and a father to me. When I was just a little boy, he filled the void left by my Dad, who was emotionally absent when he was alive, and then he died when I was just ten years old. Speaking at Benny’s funeral was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and at the same, it was one of the greatest honors of my life. Benny modeled real manhood for me by the way he loved God and loved people, especially how he loved my sister, Barbara.

Barbara suffered a stroke about ten years ago that left her with diminished motor functions and without her short-term memory. She would ask the same question multiple times in thirty minutes, and I would watch Benny answer each question every time as if it was the first time she asked it. He sacrificially cared for her. He was beautifully patient with her. He loved her the way Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it.

One of the things that energized my sister and helped her mind to function slightly closer to normal was social interactions with friends and even strangers she encountered at restaurants or while shopping. It was amazing to watch her come alive when we would get her around other people. Then the pandemic hit and getting out and being around others was nearly non-existent, especially with Barbara and Benny’s underlying health issues. She rapidly declined in 2020 both mentally and physically. Trying to process what was going on with Benny and his battle with cancer was hard for her. She thought he just had something like the flu. When she began to understand that it was cancer, fear and anxiety began to take their toll.

Benny tested positive for COVID and was rushed to the hospital when his lung capacity reached a critical level. My sister also tested positive for COVID and was admitted to the hospital as my brother-in-law was in his final hours. Something happened to her mental state while she was there that set her last days in motion.

After being released from the hospital, her daughter, Amanda, and Amanda’s loving family cared for Barbara in their home, but it seemed that she had lost the will to live. We prayed that God would help her to let go. She died on March 26, 2021, two months and a few days after the death of the love of her life. They were married for 58 years.

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Between their deaths, and while much of Texas was in a deep freeze causing power outages across the state, there was a horrible house fire in Sugarland, Texas, on February 16, 2021. A good friend lost his mother along with two nieces and a nephew. The children were five, eight, and eleven years old. Only my friend's sister, the mother of the three children, survived. It ripped our hearts out. It was unthinkable and unbearable.

In the midst of all that, my longest and closest friend had a heart attack. He's processing a new normal with meds and lifestyle adjustments and the ever-present thought of just how fragile life is now at the forefront of his thoughts. I’m a better man because of his influence and our friendship. I can only imagine what he and his wife are feeling, and that causes me to hurt deeply for them.

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Life happens in the form of potholes and speed bumps that are manageable. Then, there are these huge sinkholes that completely wash out the road ahead. Sometimes instead of clenching the wheel and pushing through, we need to pull over. Pit stops are necessary to refuel and make repairs—to allow time for your heart to heal.

We like to say that God won't give us more than we can handle. The Bible doesn't say that. It says that God won't allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear but with every temptation, He will provide a way out so that we can endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13). That's not the same as going through impossible circumstances where you not only can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s so dark you can’t even see the tunnel. God has given His people more than they can bear throughout history … the Israelites with the Red Sea in front of them and the Egyptian army behind them … Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace … David and Goliath … Jonah in the belly of the fish … And the long list of Christians who were persecuted because of their faith.

God will allow us to face more than we can handle because it gives us an opportunity to call out to Him, draw close to Him, and go deeper in our devotion to Him. He will give us more than we can handle, but He will never give us more than He can handle. It’s okay to ask questions. God can handle those, too. I’ve learned that the transactional exercise of having all my questions answered doesn’t deliver the comfort and peace I need. I need to go much deeper than that.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

— JESUS (JOHN 16:33)

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Investing In The Next Generation

CELEBRATING THE COMPLETION OF ALL SIX VOLUMES OF 33 THE SERIES!
Joel Martinez, Andrew Palmer, Matthew Marks, Moses Lyne, Alex Greenham, Michael Marks, Jordan Daye, Josh Borud, Mitchell Greenham

By Tierce Green

Ray Berglund believes that a better future is directly connected to building better men.

The principles of authentic manhood deepened his relationship with God and changed his life. Now, in the midst of a pandemic, he is simply paying it forward. Ray has given me the privilege of sending video congrats and words of encouragement to the young men he leads. He's very quick to give all the glory to God and point to others who inspired him. This kind of humility is what makes his investment in the lives of these men very personal, profound, and long-lasting.

Ray sent the following text after he watched my most recent video:

Malachi Marks & Ray Berglund

"The first video you made for me was for Malachi Marks pictured on the left. He is responsible for motivating me to get off my lazy thumb-twiddling retired butt to do 33 for the 9 boys. He was also the small group leader for the boys. If I gave you his cell phone number, do you think you could call him and give him an atta-boy? He deserves it more than the one you gave me in the video. He's 22-years-old, newly married, and a new homeowner. Thank you so much!"

After that text and an inspiring call with Malachi, I received this email from Ray's wife:

"I am Ray Berglund’s wife, and I wanted to say thanks for all you have done in helping Ray. About 20 years ago, Ray was struggling in several areas of his life. My brothers had started Men’s Fraternity in their men’s group in Illinois and recommended it to Ray. Ray bought the series and watched it pretty much straight through—not just once, but several times. I saw changes in Ray that I had been praying for. He was a different person. The series literally changed Ray’s life—and mine, too, because of the positive results.

He is always excited to share the series with others. I’m sure you know much of the rest of the story. He has shared it with many men’s groups, prisoners (several who call him their dad because he has been there for them), and the most recent, these 9 young fellows with several of their dads. I have heard all of the encouraging words that you have sent, and I wish you could see the excitement Ray has when he receives them from you—and the excitement he has when fellows finish.

Thanks is not enough, but I just wanted to express my thanks for the series and to you for helping to change our family—and so many others. May God be glorified!!!"

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Some stories are so good, they almost tell themselves. This is true of Ray and the men God is influencing through him.

"You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." (2 Corinthians 3:2-3)

A video congratulations to this 2020 Graduating Class in Wautoma, Wisconsin. These men are from the surrounding areas of Coloma, Princeton, Redgranite, and Neshkoro.

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Parenting Style Matters

By Tierce Green

Developmental psychologists have long been interested in the cause-and-effect links between parenting styles and child development. Psychologist Diana Baumrind identified three styles from her extensive research. Further research by Maccoby and Martin suggested adding a fourth. Generally speaking, the four parenting styles are permissive, neglectful, authoritarian, and authoritative.

To understand the differences it is helpful to position these four parenting styles in quadrants defined by four coordinates. The top axis point represents parenting that is high in love, and the bottom point represents parenting that is low in love. The far-left is low in discipline and instruction. The far-right is high in discipline and instruction. The diagram below illustrates where each parenting style operates and how they function.

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Starting from the top left quadrant and moving counterclockwise, here is an explanation of the Four Parenting Styles:

[1] PERMISSIVE PARENTING is high in love but low in discipline and instruction. This is very attractive to some parents because it comes with very few demands. Discipline and instruction are rare. In effect, it allows parents to take on the role of a friend more than that of a parent. According to Diana Baumrind, permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents are …

" … more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation.”

In my experience, many parents who are permissive and indulgent grew up in an environment where there were lots of rules and restrictions with little nurturing and communication. Their parents may have loved them deeply but didn’t know how to communicate it effectively. Now, as parents themselves, they have determined that love equals leniency. The meter is pegged out on the extreme left with a version of love where discipline and instruction are virtually absent.

[2] NEGLECTFUL PARENTING is low in love and low in discipline and instruction. These parents are uninvolved with few demands, little communication, and minimal direction. While they fulfill the child's basic needs, they are generally detached emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Two adults in effect created a baby with little thought given to care and nurture. In extreme cases, these parents neglect or even reject the needs of their children.

[3] AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING is low in love but high in discipline and instruction. Children are expected to follow strict rules with little to no explanation behind the rules. In these environments, “because I said so” is commonly heard. The goal in this type of parenting is to raise compliant kids, and failure to comply usually results in punishment. According to Baumrind, these parents are …

" … obedience and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation.” 

[4] AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING is both high in love and high in discipline and instruction. Rules and guidelines are clearly established for children to follow, but this type of parenting is more responsive and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet expectations, discipline is appropriately applied with love and forgiveness rather than pure punishment. Baumrind suggests that these parents …

" … monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative."

Studies show that the two worst parenting styles are authoritarian and neglectful. Rules without relationship (authoritarian) often leads to rebellion. No rules and no relationship (neglectful) creates a void in a child’s life that leads to a lack of self-control and self-esteem. Both authoritarian and neglectful parenting styles produce children who rank lower in happiness and social competence. Permissive parenting also produces children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation while struggling with authority and performing poorly in school.

THE BEST PARENTING STYLE IS AUTHORITATIVE—the one that is high in discipline and instruction but also high in love. This reflects what the Scriptures say in John 1:17 …

“For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.”

We tend to swing to extremes with grace on one end and truth on the other. But Jesus didn’t switch off grace to access truth, or switch off truth to access grace. They were always integrated. He can enable us to extend grace and truth to our children even when the circumstances are hard.

Discipline, correction, and boundaries are all expressions of grace and truth. Leading, loving, and relating to our children with an authoritative parenting style—high in love and high in discipline and instruction—is parenting with grace and truth. It’s the way our Heavenly Father leads, loves and relates to us, and the way he wants us to parent our children.

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My 3 Dads

By Tierce Green

DAD #1

My first Dad was John Spurgeon Green. He was my Mom’s third husband. Her first marriage ended in divorce when that husband got involved with another woman, making her a young single mom with a 6-month-old daughter. Her second husband was tragically killed in their first year of marriage. She later married my Dad who died when I was 10-years-old. After that, I think she was done with husbands. Three-and-out. She never remarried.

My biological dad was a ghost to me while he was alive. He had several jobs as a traveling salesman, so he wasn’t around much physically. When he was home, he always seemed emotionally detached, never really there, deferring his responsibilities as a father to my Mom.

I only remember one conversation with him. He was in between jobs and found temporary work on an oil rig off the coast of Louisiana. He broke his leg in an accident at work. While he was recovering, my Mom and I packed up the Ford Fairlane Station Wagon at a house we were renting in Bessemer, Alabama, and drove down to see him in a small Cajun town outside of New Orleans.

We were having lunch with some of his oil rig buddies at this small mom-and-pop diner. I remember craving his attention as a young boy, desperately wanting his approval. I ordered what he ordered—a big cheeseburger with everything on it. My Dad loved spicy food, so when he drenched his burger with Tabasco Sauce, I did the same to mine. That got the approval of the other men at the table, but all my Dad could say was, “Boy, you’d better eat that. I’m not paying for anything else.”

I took a big bite, and it lit me up, but I choked down every bite. The other men slapped me on the back like they had accepted me into their club. No response from my Dad. That was the last time I would see him.

After getting the cast off of his leg, a blood clot went straight to his heart while he was driving. Some neighbors picked me up from school that day. A lot of people were at our house. My Mom took into my room, shut the door, and told me my Dad had died. I remember crying, but I wasn’t sure why. My little boy’s heart was broken for a Dad I never really knew.

There was a hole in my heart. My Mom did her best to fill it, and I will always be grateful for my strong single Mom who loved God and loved me. And—I didn’t realize it at the time, but—a good father figure was already in my life.

DAD #2

My second Dad is Benny Edwards, my brother-in-law. He married my half-sister, the daughter from my Mom’s first marriage. She is ten years older than me, and he is twelve years older than me. As it turned out, he lost his Dad when he was a little boy. I’ve watched him all my life—the way he loves God and loves people. He has always worked hard and served others. He is a man of integrity. He taught me how to tie a tie, how to change the oil in my car. He sold me my first car and taught me how to keep it clean and take care of it. Just as he said, I’ve kept cars longer, and it makes a big difference when I sell them or trade them in.

He and my sister have been married for nearly sixty years. She suffered a stroke a few years ago and lost a lot of her short-term memory. So, she will ask the same question five or six times in thirty minutes. But each time she asks the same question, my brother-in-law will answer as if he’s hearing it for the first time. He models Ephesians 5:25 that says,

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

I continue to be inspired by his example.

DAD #3

I met my third Dad when I was the Student Pastor at a church in Greenville, SC when I was in my early twenties. Vernon McCurry was a retired IBM Executive. I had the privilege to be a guest in his home for three months of the short two-and-a-half years I was in Greenville. I watched the way he loved and led his two sons with grace and truth. There was mutual love and respect. I watched the way he loved his wife, Peggy. It clicked in my mind that this is what God intended a husband and a father to be.

He enjoyed smoking a pipe, and we would have these colorful, unfiltered, and deep conversations on his back deck. He would listen to my ideas and opinions and offer valuable insights that I still use today. The smell of good tobacco transports me back in time to those moments.

Vernon was about ninety-one years old when there were complications in a surgery that was supposed to be routine. His wonderful life was over. He and Peggy were married for over sixty years. I had the great privilege of speaking at his memorial and honoring this man’s life, legacy, and impact on me and countless others.

My life was shaped by my three Dads.

I walked through the anger of my biological Dad being MIA when I needed him most, and learned to understand what I believe were some of his own fears and manhood struggles. God helped me release my anger and cynicism. I learned to extend grace to him after his death.

I continue to draw on what I learned from my brother-in-law, Benny, and my Greenville Dad, Vernon. I treasure the clear examples of how to love and how to lead in each of their lives. Everybody needs examples like these. These father-figures gave me a practical and relational understanding of my Heavenly Father. 

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Repair or Replace?

By Tierce Green

It was a sad day in our family room, at least for me, when the plasma display I’ve owned since 2006 stopped turning on. Plasmas have been replaced by brighter, lighter, and better for the environment LCD displays. But in my opinion, brighter isn’t always beautiful. Plasmas delivered these rich colors contrasted by deep blacks that LCDs have yet to match. The question in this disposable electronics age is this: “Do I repair it or replace it?” But this isn’t a consumer electronics review. I want to switch channels and talk about something with eternal implications, one thing in particular that can’t be repaired.

Our heart is unfixable. It may be hard to accept, but we don’t have enough intelligence or skills for this job. Education is vital and valuable, but even the most educated and advanced people in the world have committed heinous crimes against humanity. Our heart—who we really are at the core—is defective. The only solution is revealed in the Book of Ezekiel. It exposes a systemic problem and reveals the drastic measures required to fix it.

Ezekiel was probably in his thirties when God sent him as a prophet to his people—people who were in God’s own words obstinate and stubborn (Ezekiel 2:3-6). They were described as a “rebellious house.” Ezekiel’s book paints a disturbing portrait of the disparity between what God intended for his people and what they had become. This disparity, as always, produced a deep despair among the people.

What was true then is true now. The real problems aren’t misogyny, racism, or an endless list of other social injustices. While addressing these issues is critical—and we must be passionate and tireless in our efforts to stand against them—behavior modification would only be a Band-Aid. These are just the weeds, symptoms of a deeper problem that can’t be fixed with new legislation. We need to keep cutting the weeds, but we must also attack the root.

We have a heart of stone. That was the diagnosis delivered by Ezekiel. When you have a heart of stone there’s no need to ask, “How long do I have to live?” because you’re dead already! Jeremiah, Ezekiel’s contemporary, concurred and proclaimed,

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

The implications? Everything that flows from a heart like this will be infected and polluted. If there’s pollution downstream, you can keep treating the water, but it would be smart to go upstream and eliminate the problem at the source.

A heart of stone can’t be patched up and repaired. It must be removed and replaced. That was the plan—the New Covenant—laid out in Ezekiel 36:26 …

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

This is the most outrageous act in history. The cost is absolutely unaffordable. No one has enough money or influence or resources they can leverage to pay for it. But the good news is that the cost of a new heart has been provided by grace and can be immediately acquired through faith. It has been completely covered by the blood of Jesus.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Do you have a new heart? I received mine when I was nineteen. In my short lifetime, I had logged an impressive track record of religious involvement followed by a brief but dark detour driven by self-destructive experimentation. My heart of stone was infecting everything from the inside out. I investigated the claims of Jesus and discovered so much more than a religious fix or moral course correction. I saw evidence of Jesus in those who truly followed Him. I believed in Him and received His grace. To be clear, I didn’t fix myself, and God didn’t patch up my old heart. He replaced my heart of stone with a new heart.

“Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision, but born of God.” (John 1:12-13)

This new identity doesn’t exempt us from standing in the trenches against social injustices and providing help for a fractured world. We don’t hide out in some moral or religious bubble. If we’re following Jesus closely, we actually get out more and get more involved. We fight harder, but we fight with a broader eternal perspective. We work to understand the reality of what is and dream of what could be. We re-calibrate to what God intended for us and fight the good fight of faith with a new heart.

[As for my plasma display, I found someone who could fix it, and it lasted another 18 months. Then, it went down for the count, and I replaced it with an OLED TV which is the next best thing to plasma.]

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REMOVE and REPLACE is a principle that applies throughout our life as we continue to follow Jesus. As our new heart pulls us forward, our default nature tries to pull us backward. You can feel this tension in the Scriptures contrasting the old with the new:

“But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: [REMOVE] anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and [have REPLACED it with] the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator … clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:8-14)

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Originally published as You’re Not Smart Enough To Fix This! on Huffington Post (April 18, 2017)

3 Keys To Outlive Your Life

By Tierce Green

Singer-songwriter Billy Joel—Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, multi-Grammy and American Music Award winner—sang these lines to his hit song “My Life” back in 1978:

“I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life. Go ahead with your own life and leave me alone!”

It tells the story of an old friend—they “used to be real close”—who got tired of the monotonous routine of his life, so he “closed the shop, sold the house” and “bought a ticket to the West Coast.” Then, he did “a stand-up routine in LA.”

You at least have to give a guy credit for having the courage to march to the beat of a different drummer. Bucking the conventional standard can be a smart move but not when it means living out your life centered on yourself and shutting others out. That’s not a dream worth following.

A Flawed Plan

The principle of outliving your life is not gender-specific, but I want to apply it man-to-man for a moment. I don’t know all there is about being a man, but I’ve lived long enough to understand a few things. For instance, a lot of men operate with a flawed plan for success and satisfaction. Go to school and get a good education. Get a good job, Work hard at your job and hope it will turn into a good career. Along the way, find a good wife, have some kids and raise a good family. If everything goes according to plan, you’ll have a good retirement that will allow you to live out your life in reasonable comfort. This has been the conventional plan for manhood. It’s all good, right? Oh, yeah … and then you die.

The payoff at the end feels less than satisfying. Along the way, a lot of guys feel restless and bored, suspecting that the process is flawed; but, they just keep their heads down and hope for the best. Underneath the surface, you can feel it. It’s like a low-grade fever. You’re not sick enough to stay in bed, but you’re not well enough to really enjoy life either.

A common mantra among business gurus says, “Your system is perfectly designed to give you the results you’re getting.” That’s also true about life. If your system is only producing a nice collection of stuff and accomplishments with no eternal significance, your success and satisfaction is only temporary at best. If you want something that is lasting and more meaningful, then you need a new system.

Designed For More

The truth is we are designed for more. An advertising campaign for Audi used the tagline, “Truth in Engineering”. That’s a powerful statement … and it’s just talking about metal and rubber! The truth in the way humanity is engineered—the way we are designed by our Creator—is that we are built to live for something greater than ourselves. We are wired to outlive our life.

Outliving your life might sound too epic and unattainable, but a few minor adjustments can make all the difference. Let’s say you board a ship in San Diego on your way to Honolulu. If the navigation coordinates are just a few degrees off, you could miss Honolulu and wind up in Tokyo. A slight course correction in whatever season of life you are in can change your trajectory and guide you to a more fulfilling destination. Here are three course-correcting adjustments that you can make right now.

3 Keys to Outlive Your Life

1. Discover a Transcendent Cause
What are you living for that is bigger than yourself? Having a transcendent cause means you leave more than a carbon footprint. It’s the opposite of marking time or making a living. It’s unconventional. A transcendent cause is really a paradox, because living for something greater than yourself is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself. There is a deep and fulfilling collateral benefit to yourself. Teaching our children to be “others-centered” and “outward-focused” is one of the biggest things we can do to outlive our life. It has a huge return on our investment, and it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

2. Leverage Your Influence Now
Some people on the front end of their careers, or those who feel stuck in the middle, give in to the idea that they don’t really have an influence yet. While the fall and winter of our life are typically the seasons of our greatest influence, anyone in any season of life needs to realize the potential to impact others where they are right now.

John Maxwell exposes the myths of leading from the middle in his book The 360° Leader: Developing Your Influence from Anywhere in the Organization. Maxwell says that some people believe leadership comes simply from having a position or title. So they wait, thinking, “When I get to the top, then I’ll learn to lead.” They believe they can’t really make a difference unless they are on the top.

The truth in our engineering is that most things are accomplished because of relationships and reputation, not because of position. According to Jesus, the one who is truly great is the one who serves others. If we want to be first, we must put others first. Look around at the relationships and responsibilities you have been given. Outliving your life by serving and influencing others starts right now.

3. Invest for Eternity
Someone who invests eternally not only wants to make a difference now, but they also see into the future. They understand the Laws of the Harvest. The first law is we reap what we sow. The second is we reap more than we sow. The third is we reap in a different season than we sow.

The best things require attention and take time. When we give our attention to leveraging our influence and investing in others, teaching them how to live for something greater than themselves, over time it will cause a culture shift for the next generation and make an eternal difference.

Jesus Christ challenges us to be part of something He calls the “Kingdom of God” or the “Kingdom of Heaven.” He urges us to understand its value and to forsake everything else to possess it, to acknowledge that it is the only thing worth living for.

Countless things compete for our attention. I was reading a magazine that targets men and tells us what we need to be healthier and happier and came across an ad that leaped off the two-page spread. Written above the hood of a shiny new silver Chevy Camaro was this: “You could live without it. If you call that living.” Can you feel that? I want a test drive right now!

Now, hold your horsepower, and think about this. You could live without a transcendent cause, without really influencing others for eternity. You could keep your head down on the conveyor belt of conventional success, work hard and carve out a pretty good life. You could just live out your life that way … if you call that living.

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What's So Good About Good Friday?

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By Tierce Green

Why would we celebrate the execution of an innocent man? What’s so good about Good Friday?

A grueling series of events began when Jesus was betrayed by one of His own and arrested in the Garden of Gesthemane. They took Him to Caiaphas, the high priest, where a ridiculous kangaroo court of religious leaders and teachers of the law had assembled. They were looking for any false evidence they could use to put Him to death.

Jesus was silent at first. In frustration Caiaphas stood up and demanded to know if He was the Christ, the Son of God. Jesus replied,

“Yes. It is as you say.”

The high priest tore his clothes and accused Jesus of blasphemy. His accusers exploded in anger as they spit in His face, mocked Him, and struck Him with their fists.

As you read this narrative you can feel and almost smell the hatred that spewed from the putrid cesspool of their self-righteousness. Jesus was a threat to their religious system, a threat to their lifestyle and their control over people. He did not fit their idea of the Messiah, and His teaching exposed how they had twisted God’s truth into their own truth, perverted laws and legalistic systems. Now, they would stop at nothing to eliminate this threat.

They brought Jesus to Pilate, the Roman Governor of Judea, suggesting that He was subversive to the nation and posed a threat to Roman occupation by His claim to be the King of the Jews. Pilate interrogated Him and concluded that he found no fault in Jesus. He had Him flogged perhaps thinking that this would satisfy the accusers. After that, the Roman soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and pressed it into His head, clothed Him in a purple robe, and mocked Him,

“Hail, king of the Jews!”

Pilate tried again to get the Jews to take Jesus away, but the crowd was relentless shouting,

“Crucify Him! Crucify Him!”

Finally, Pilate gave in to their demands and handed Him over to be crucified.

Jesus had to carry His own cross, the instrument of His death, up to a hill known as Golgotha, or Calvary (Aramaic and Latin for “skull”). Nails were driven into His hands and feet, pinning Him to the cross that was then lifted upright and bluntly dropped into a hole. Jesus was now on shameful display between two criminals until He breathed his last breath.

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HOW CAN THIS FRIDAY BE GOOD? Why did it happen? Why the cross? Why Jesus?

First, you have to understand how bad things are for us. Romans 3:10-12 says,

“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”

That assessment is not based on comparing one human with another. It’s determined by comparing all of humanity with God alone who is righteous. Our so-called “righteousness” is in a different category. It’s puny and sometimes self-serving, relatively meaningless. None of us come close to measuring up. All of us fall miserably short. That’s what sin is, and sin means death. Not just physical death as in “one day we’re all going to die” but eternal death.

There is only one solution. Hebrews 9:22 says,

“The law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”

The law that Jesus’ accusers claimed to know so well required it. All of the animal sacrifices in the temple were preparing us for the ultimate sacrifice of the Lamb of God – the one and only Son of God – for the sins of the world.

The horrible brutality of the cross was necessary because of the repulsive ugliness of our sin. Jesus died for the worst of us – the murderers and rapists, the users and abusers, the con-men and thieves. He also died for the best of us – the humanitarians and philanthropists, the doctors and nurses, the pastors and missionaries.

JESUS DIED FOR THE WORST OF US, AND HE DIED FOR THE BEST OF US BECAUSE ALL OF US NEED FORGIVENESS. ALL OF US NEED A SAVIOR.

I wonder if the devil and his demons thought in that moment when Jesus died that it was indeed a good Friday for them. Did they think the death of God’s Son was a victory for Satan? Regardless, the resurrection of Jesus changed everything!

We don’t stop at the crucifixion, but we don’t skip over it either. We can’t get to the resurrection without first going to the cross. That’s where God dealt with our sin – once and for all – for all who believe. This is very good news! That’s why we call this Friday GOOD.

Before you do whatever you usually do to celebrate Easter Sunday, stop for a moment and think about Friday. Have you been to the cross and put your faith in the sacrifice of Jesus for your sins. Has Good Friday been good for you?

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The Unedited Jesus

By Tierce Green

How do you see Jesus? A compassionate Good Shepherd? A meek and mild, even cuddly, Lamb of God? Perhaps you prefer a well-manicured Bridegroom in a black tie and tux? But have you ever imagined the Man yet God, sweating in the sun as He walked homelessly on earth speaking unfiltered truth and fiercely going toe-to-toe against the leaders of religious oppression?

Perhaps a better question is this: How do you prefer Jesus? Do you like the Lion of Judah with or without claws?

This is not a new conversation. Dorothy L. Sayers (1893-1957) was an English author, playwright, Christian apologist and friend of C.S. Lewis. She spoke out against diluted caricatures of Christianity, challenging us to recalibrate to the real unfiltered and unedited Jesus. Her perspective, from the early 20th Century, was that Christians had effectively declawed the Lion of Judah. Below is an excerpt from her essay, The Greatest Drama Ever Staged:

The people who hanged Christ never, to do them justice, accused Him of being a bore—on the contrary; they thought Him too dynamic to be safe. It has been left for later generations to muffle up that shattering personality and surround Him with an atmosphere of tedium. We have very efficiently pared the claws of the Lion of Judah, certified Him “meek and mild,” and recommended Him as a fitting household pet for pale curates and pious old ladies. To those who knew Him, however, He in no way suggested a milk-and-water person; they objected to Him as a dangerous firebrand.

True, He was tender to the unfortunate, patient with honest inquirers and humble before Heaven; but ...

• He insulted respectable clergymen by calling them hypocrites.

• He went to parties in disreputable company and was looked upon as a “gluttonous man and a wine-bibber, a friend of publicans and sinners”.

• He assaulted indignant tradesmen and threw them and their belongings out of the Temple.

• He drove a coach-and-horses through a number of sacrosanct and hoary regulations.

• He cured diseases by any means that were handy, with a shocking casualness in the matter of other people’s pigs and property.

• He showed no proper deference for wealth or social position.

• When confronted with neat dialectical traps, He displayed a paradoxical humour that affronted serious-minded people, and He retorted by asking disagreeably searching questions that could not be answered by rule of thumb.

He was emphatically not a dull man in His human lifetime, and if He was God, there can be nothing dull about God either. But He had “a daily beauty in His life that made us ugly,” and officialdom felt that the established order of things would be more secure without Him. So they did away with God in the name of peace and quietness.

[From The Greatest Drama Ever Staged, by Dorothy L. Sayers, first published in May 1938.]

If it were possible to travel back in time to 1938, I think I would enjoy having a cigar with Dorothy (she loved to smoke cigars) and hearing more about the Jesus she knew. From my perspective, in the early 21st Century, I can see variations of what she saw then—a perfectly coiffed metrosexual Jesus. But I can also see a high-testosterone chest-beating Jesus presented by angst-filled preachers with a chip on their shoulder—sort of a let’s-pick-a-fight Jesus. Either extreme is a caricature.

It will always be a challenge to read the Scriptures without the filter of our personal preferences to discover and follow the unedited Jesus. We will naturally gravitate toward explanations and descriptions of His life and teachings that fit our personality or support our experiences. Even the Apostle Paul, with his wealth of experience and education, understood that he still had much to learn about the real Jesus ...

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death ... (Philippians 3:10)

Jesus is the Lamb of God and the Lion of Judah. He is the Prince of Peace who curiously said, “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.” (Matthew 10:34) Jesus is the multi-dimensional “I Am” who cannot be completely captured in one convenient portrait. We have a lifetime to get to know Him and an eternity to experience Him in his fullness when we finally see Him face to face.

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Originally published as Metrosexual Jesus at Huffington Post on April 19, 2017

Who Is My Neighbor?

By Tierce Green

Most people rally around the ideas of missional living and social justice. Kindness, sacrificial care, crossing cultural lines, stories of someone going out of their way to help others—these ideas and actions are all inspiring. That’s why the Parable of the Good Samaritan still resonates today. This story can stand alone, but the context and how it was used reveals much more than a random act of kindness.

Sometimes Jesus would answer a question with a question. Other times he would explain a principle with a story—a parable. On this occasion, He does both to describe what it looks like to love God and others, and to paint a picture of a person who truly follows Him.

The Parable of the Good Samaritan is found in Luke 10:25-37.

Someone who was quite familiar with the Scriptures—a man described as “an expert in the law”—asked Jesus a very direct question:

“What must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus responded to his question with two questions:

“What is written in the Law? How do you read it?”

Jesus was implying, “I know you know a lot about the Scriptures, so how do you see it? Let’s get to the essence of the Law, the heart of it, what it really means.” Affirmation, respect, an invitation to an open and honest discussion; all of this was communicated in those two questions. We need more conversations like this—unfiltered and respectful conversations where we can truly connect with each other and discover the truth.

The man’s answer was technically correct according to his faith. He was actually quoting from the Law he loved in Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18.

He answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

If the goal was to check some boxes off of a religious list, that would have been the end of the story. But we all come to these conversations with different perspectives shaped by our experiences. That’s why it’s not uncommon to see a wide variance or disconnect between biblical principles and practical applications even among the most religious and seemingly intelligent people. This “expert in the law” wanted to support his perspective, so he asked Jesus a question:

He wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

“Who is my neighbor?” This could be a good question if the heart of it was to identify people who need our help. But in this case, it hinted of legalism, self-righteousness and racial prejudice. Jesus knew this, so he answered this man’s question with a story—a parable about a Samaritan that he called good.

Here’s a synopsis: A man was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him, beat him, and left him half-dead on the side of the road. Two very religious men—a priest and a Levite—passed by at different times. Either one of these men could have been the hero, but the Scriptures specifically say that each of them “passed by on the other side”. They were likely on their way to church and couldn’t get their hands dirty. It would have interfered with their plans and interrupted their religious activities. It was inconvenient.

I wonder how many times we pass by on the other side. How many times do we look over the crowd without seeing the people? How many times do we not hear because we are too busy talking? How often does our passion for a cause stand in the way of our compassion for people?

Jesus made the hero of the story a Samaritan. This is important. Samaritans grew out of the tribes of Manasseh and Ephraim after their deportation into Assyria around 723 BC where they intermarried with pagans during this period of captivity. In the minds of the Jews, Samaritans were considered to be half-breeds, a less-than race of people. Interaction with them was intentionally avoided. So, the question “Who is is my neighbor?” was clearly skewed assuming that Samaritans would be in a different category, any category other than the “my neighbor” category.

The Samaritan in this story saw a man who needed help, so he sprang into action. He had compassion on the man and bandaged his wounds. He put him on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and cared for him. The next day he gave the innkeeper some money and said,

“Look after him … and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.”

This Samaritan is going way above and beyond what was expected! We could stop here and be inspired by his generosity. But the clincher and the oftentimes overlooked point of the story comes at the end with another question from Jesus. The answer is too obvious to ignore. We don’t know if the expert in the law liked it or even tried to apply it, but he could not deny it.

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

Our roster of neighbors is typically comprised of people who look like us and think like us. We gravitate toward safe homogenous environments—comfort zones populated by people who are similar in appearance and share similar opinions. If we’re not careful, even Christian communities can become isolated subcultures.

Jesus was described as a friend of sinners. He hung out with people who weren’t like him, people the religious leaders avoided. Many of his neighbors were rejected by the church.

What about you? Who is your neighbor?

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My Beloved and My Friend

By Tierce Green

It’s only one sentence and a short one at that. But it would be foolish to skip over this vital wisdom about a healthy marriage relationship that is embedded in the colorful and even steamy narrative in Song of Solomon 5:16. The wife describes her husband as her beloved and her friend.

I was in my twenties before I discovered the three Greek words for love:

1. Eros – This is a physical, sensual love. This word is not actually found in the Bible, however, it is vividly described in The Song of Songs.

2. Phileo – The kind of love found between friends, or brotherly love.

3. Agape – This is a selfless, sacrificial, unconditional kind of love. Agape perfectly describes the love God has for us.

As this was presented to me, it seemed that agape was the only kind of love worthy of pursuit. That’s a big mistake, especially in marriage. You might begin to think that you are commanded to love your wife, but you don’t have to like her!

Dr. John Gottman, one of the foremost marriage experts in the world, concurs with the wisdom of the wife in the Song of Solomon. After studying over six hundred married couples, he concluded:

“Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways bit in little ways day in and day out.”

A holistic understanding of the Scriptures and how all the truth of God’s Word applies to marriage is critical. For instance, the phrase “This is my beloved, this is my friend” (Song 5:16) reminds me of the words of Jesus when He said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). From there I see a  connection to this: “Love must be sincere … Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:9-10). There are hundreds of Scriptures like these that don’t specifically mention the topic of marriage, but they are absolutely relevant.

How Can You Amp Up Friendship in Your Marriage?

Start by applying all the truth you discover in God’s Word, not just specific verses that contain the words marriage, husbands, or wives. Here are a few examples:

Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Clearly, there is a sacrificial, agape kind of love in that, but I also see a companionship—the kind of love between friends that motivates you to continually discover each other’s interests and enjoy them together.

The Bible instructs husbands to love their wives as “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians. 5:25). That is a noble pursuit, but a husband’s primary assignment is not just to physically stand between his wife and harm’s way. Sometimes, I think it would be easier to physically die for your wife than it is to go on living and die to yourself daily, intentionally discovering her needs and interests and putting them above your own.

Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” That’s what true friends do. Just as God has extended grace to us, now we are extensions of His grace to others. Nowhere should that be more evident than between husbands and wives.

In John 13:14 we read, “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.” Why wouldn’t a husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church think of applying this principle to his wife first—his beloved and his friend?

Friendship must be intentionally cultivated within marriage. Friends don’t automatically grow together, but without attention they can easily grow apart. A loving friendship in marriage can survive many things, but it cannot survive neglect.

My wife and I are closing in on 33 years of marriage. Is that a great marriage? I think it’s a really good one. We still have much to learn about being friends. When we were dating, I would sometimes say, “I need to talk to Dana, my friend.” Those were times when I needed some unfiltered conversational companionship. As it turned out, that was a big need in her life too. Still is. I love her deeply. She is my beloved and my friend.

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Did God Cause My Son's Death?

By Tierce Green

THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH. The writer of Psalm 23 describes walking through dark places in life without fear because the Lord—his Shepherd—is right there with him. When the unthinkable happens, it shakes your faith. You may question the love or even the existence of God. And if He does exist, then where was He when this horrible thing happened? We don't get over unthinkable things like this, but we can get through them—stronger, deeper, and better on the other side.

SAM NEWTON’S STORY

10 years ago today – it was the evening of January 21, 2010 – I lost my son Blake. However, I am not paralyzed with grief this day. Instead, I am amazed at the awesome power of my God. Today, I celebrate a God that has used Blake’s death for His glory and I’m honored He chose what happened to my son to do so.

I celebrate a God that has blessed me with an incredibly powerful experience that now blesses so many others today. I get to share Blake’s story in many different ways to so many different people — the groups I lead and teach in my consulting business, the homeless veterans I get to serve, the men who have recently lost their sons that I can help through their grief process, the times I’ve been able to take guys to Blake’s gravesite as we pass the cemetery on one of our long training bike rides to share the wisdom: “Hug your child every chance you get because you never know...” The many opportunities I get to share with others make me feel like I’m the most blessed person on the planet. I celebrate a God who has lifted up so many others via my experience including some strong men that He’s placed in my life to get me to this point. I am honored God has used Blake to change this world for the better.

I celebrate a God that has used Blake’s death to shape and influence me as a man, a father, a husband and a friend. I celebrate a God who has led me through this grief process to strengthen my faith in Him in ways I could never have imagined. It has opened many doors for me, provided countless opportunities to share my faith, and I pray I am glorifying God each time I encounter them.

Did God cause my son’s death? Of course not. But He allowed it. At the time, only God could see how it would benefit this fallen world we live in. God works in all things ...

If I could set the clock back 10 years and a day so I could prevent the loss of my son, would I do it?  Of course I would!  But, that’s the reflection of a finite man compared to the infinite and omniscient wisdom of our glorious God. Thankfully God’s in charge of this world and I am not...

I am totally convinced that this is a better world today than it was 10 years ago – for me, for sure – and for so many others who have been touched by this story.

A critical part of the grief process that helped Sam rise from the ashes of such a devastating loss was a community of men that gave him a safe place where he could say anything without being judged, and all the time and grace he needed to take one step at a time to get to a healthier place.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

“Two are better than one ... If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

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About a year after Blake's death, Sam was in the crowd at the finish line of an Ironman Triathlon in Texas. He was inspired to start training and start competing.

Sam has completed 8 Ironman races so far. He proudly displays a custom tattoo on his left calf with the Ironman logo and a Phoenix rising from the ashes.

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CREATING SPACE FOR MEN TO CONNECT
"This is a place where there's no condemnation, but lot's of accountability." – Sam Newton

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FIGHT FOR BRILLIANCE
Justin Keller interviews Sam Newton about his journey through tragedy, and how he is learning to embrace the pain and use this experience to serve others.

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We Are The Reason

By Tierce Green

Every Christmas season we see a variety of sweatshirts, cards and signs announcing that Jesus is the reason for the season. For those who follow Jesus, that can be a good clarifying statement, even inspiring. It began as a response to what some Christians perceived as the commercialization, or the over-Santa-fication, of Christmas. It's a good reminder unless it's used as a weapon against Santa-lovers and Elf on the Shelf-ers. Sometimes our passion to make a point can separate us from the very people for whom Jesus could become their reason for living.

This is also the season for Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies. They all tell a predictable story and present a touching scenario about the Christmas spirit with this sentiment by one of the main characters: "Now this is what Christmas is all about!" And "this" could mean children, or family, or giving, or whatever.

There are lots of opinions about what the true meaning of Christmas is and what the perfect Christmas should look like. Some opinions can be polarizing. I've seen some angry Santas and some angry shepherds.

WHAT IF WE ARE THE REASON FOR THE SEASON?

Let's use Colossians 1:16 as a backdrop. It refers to Jesus as the Sovereign Creator and Initiator. It says,

"For in Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through Him and for Him."

However, when sin entered the world, everything was twisted and broken beyond repair. Mankind is now lost and cut off from God. Our best efforts to fix things, when compared to His holiness, are like filthy rags. Romans 3:10-12 describes the hopelessness of our predicament this way:

“There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one."

MANKIND NEEDS A SAVIOR..

Because of us, God initiated the greatest rescue of all time! An angel made a big announcement to a group of shepherds one night who were out in a field watching over their flock. It's a familiar part of the Christmas story recorded in Luke Chapter 2. The angel said to them:

“Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." (Luke 2:10-12)

Most people can appreciate the rustic simplicity of a baby lying in a manger—a non-threatening nativity scene featuring the Babe of Bethlehem. Keeping Jesus in a manger won't interrupt or interfere with your life. It reminds me of Ricky Bobby in the movie Talladega Nights. He preferred praying to the baby Jesus. But the angel and the heavenly host clearly revealed that this baby is so much more than that. He cannot be contained in a crib. He is our Savior—He is Christ the Lord!

My favorite display that we do in our house at Christmas is a hand-carved nativity that we received as a wedding gift. We have a cross that typically stays on one of our nightstands, but at Christmas, we add it to the nativity. The cross reminds us that this baby would become a man, and this man would give his life for the sins of the world.

This is the why behind the what of Christmas: We need a Savior! So,

"To us a child is born, to us a son is given ... And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." (Isaiah 9:6)

WE ARE THE REASON He was born. WE ARE THE REASON He died. And WE ARE THE REASON He rose from the dead.

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests” (Luke 2:14).

And His favor rests on those who put their faith, not in the "Christmas spirit", but they put their faith in Jesus.

That’s a very good reason to say, “Merry Christmas!”

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What's In YOUR Closet?

By Tierce Green

Politicians, producers, and pastors. Administrators, actors, and athletes. The list of fallen leaders keeps growing and growing. You can’t help but wonder … Who’s next?

Sadly, we’re becoming numb to the headlines that another executive, or physician, or coach abused his power and assumed the rules didn’t apply to someone in his position. What’s worse, some of these guys didn’t even know they were breaking the rules. How does that happen? Maybe it was born out of an old-school men’s club culture where sexual innuendos and racial slurs were not only tolerated, they were the unofficial currency of a back-slapping inner circle. But the culture is shifting, and we’re no longer looking the other way at such asinine behavior. (as•i•nine – adjective: extremely stupid or foolish) As the culture shifts, these fools will eventually expose themselves.

We need to zoom out and see the bigger picture. There's a broad category that includes but isn't limited to misogynists and sex offenders. On the surface it can look like a Who’s Who List of the well-educated and well-groomed. Some are highly successful and even well-churched. They are charismatic influencers with a critical mass of social media friends and followers. They have a voice and a platform. Some churches are even built on and feed off their personalities. How can these men, knowing they are under the scrutiny of an increasingly skeptical public, continue to speak out against splinters in the eyes of others while ignoring the massive logs in their own?

3 FATAL MISTAKES:

[1] Smoke-Screen Comparisons. Compared to blatant sexual harassment, someone who subtly dismisses others may not seem so bad. Anger can be excused because someone is a passionate leader. But it all flows from the same systemic problems of pride, arrogance, control, and insecurity. Beware of smoke-screen comparisons—misdirection tactics to avoid tackling the deeper issues—the character flaws that are infecting and slowly undermining organizations and their influence.

[2] Faux Accountability. With great success can come a slow drift away from those who will call us out and hold us accountable towards a select team whose support for their leader has clouded their vision. They’ve stopped asking the hard questions. These “yes men” have unknowingly turned encouragement and guidance into spinning the truth and stroking an insecure ego.

Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” The promise in this principle depends on having the right advisers. Do they possess wisdom and courage? Has their ability to advise been compromised because of a conflict of interest? Are they known for their honesty and integrity, or their tendency to avoid conflict?

Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Be sure that your advisers are not just a facade of mentors who are providing faux accountability.

[3] I’m Only Human. It’s true. We’re only human. We all make mistakes, but don’t use that as an excuse for bad behavior. None of us are perfect, but the way we handle our imperfections can either bring healing or compound the damage. It’s too easy to justify our behavior by saying nobody’s perfect. God responds to our sin with grace—not to approve it, but to forgive and transform us.

The Apostle Paul understood the disparity between his humanness and God’s righteousness. He understood the application of God’s grace to his sin. He asks and answers a very good question in his letter to First Century Christians in Rome: “Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” (Romans 6:1-2) In other words, don’t tap out by saying “I’m only human!”

Styx, an American rock band from Chicago, released several Top Ten songs from the seventies through the nineties. Among all those hits, the most thought-provoking one is “Show Me The Way”. The lyrics sound like a disillusioned essay that could have been written today in response to the growing roster of fallen leaders:

Every night I say a prayer in the hope that there's a heaven
And every day I'm more confused as the saints turn into sinners
All the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay
And I feel this empty place inside so afraid that I've lost my faith
Show me the way …

(From the album, Edge Of The Century, by Styx; 1990 A&M Records)

What’s in YOUR closet? Will you try to contain it and spin it, hoping no one cracks open the door and sees what’s really inside? Or, will you finally get honest with yourself and deal with it responsibly—with humility and real accountability?

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The Cure For Toxic Masculinity – Part 3: A Life-Giving Spirit

By Tierce Green

Toxic masculinity is a systemic problem that requires a holistic solution. It’s a disease, and the cure is more complex than legal compliance or even behavior modification. Men (and women) need a transformation—a heart change—and only God can change the human heart.

A popular opinion is that people are inherently good. And while there is corruption and evil in the world, it’s because some people have made bad choices that are just covering up their inner goodness. But the Bible flips it around and says that mankind is inherently sinful. And while there is good in the world, it’s just covering up a fundamental and fatal flaw with our heart.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

The implication is that our heart problem is terminal. It’s beyond cure, meaning we can’t fix it ourselves. We can’t self-correct. The manifestations of our human condition range from relatively minor infractions to extreme destructive behaviors. Passing new legislation and tightening up HR policies are only bandaids.

The cure for toxic masculinity requires an understanding that manhood became twisted and corrupt in the beginning when the first man rebelled against God and his intended purpose. Romans 5:12 tells us, “Sin entered the world through one man [Adam in the Garden], and death through sin. In this way death came to all people, because all have sinned.”

Remember, we can’t fix this, but God can. Romans 5:15 says, “If the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God's grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many!”

God’s grace changes us from the inside out. In Ezekiel 36:26 God himself says this: “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. I will remove the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” God promises to perform a spiritual heart transplant when we respond to his grace.

This is more than just rebranding and slapping a Christian label over the problem. Sadly, there have been plenty of cases of toxic masculinity wearing the Christian label in the church leaving many people jaded and cynical. God’s grace addresses the root of the problem, but we still live and contend in a broken world. But the way the church responds to brokenness should be different—to not excuse it, or spin it, or try and cover it up. God’s grace compels us to accept responsibility and respond with humility.

The Bible compares conventional manhood (really all of humanity) to what it calls the life-giving spirit of Jesus. 1 Corinthians 15:45-49 explains, “The first man Adam became a living being [merely human]; the last Adam [Jesus], a life-giving spirit … The first man was from the earth, a man of dust; the second man is from heaven … Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven.”

The DNA of toxic masculinity comes from the first man, Adam. He was merely human, a man of dust. That’s how some guys excuse their behavior: “I’m only human. Nobody’s perfect. Boys will be boys.” But the blessings of authentic manhood flow from the life-giving spirit of Jesus.

If we have truly experienced the grace of God we are compelled to ask, “Is what I am doing or about to do life-giving or life robbing? Am I encouraging or demeaning? Am I living in the shadow of the First Adam or the light of Jesus? Am I a life-giving spirit?” The Bible promises us that even though we have “borne the image of the man of dust” that because of God’s grace, “we shall bear the image of the man of heaven”—the life-giving spirit of Jesus.

The cure for toxic masculinity begins when we truly respond to God’s grace through faith in Jesus.

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; Behold, the new has come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Part 3 of 3. Adapted from 33 The Series, Volume 1: A Man and His Design. Learn more at authenticmanhoodinitiative.com

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The Cure For Toxic Masculinity – Part 2: Caricatures

By Tierce Green

In part one of this discussion, we said the cure for toxic masculinity begins with a recalibration to what manhood was originally intended to be. A clear and compelling definition of real manhood can be a catalyst for a culture shift that will expose the counterfeit versions of manhood. Keep in mind that this isn’t a quick fix, but identifying the right target and implementing these timeless principles will begin to produce a significant and measurable difference.

Authentic Manhood is multi-dimensional and balanced. In 33 The Series, Volume 1, A Man and His Design, we offer a composite—a portrait of the total package—called the Four Faces of Manhood. We see them in Scripture and we see them in Jesus. They are The King, The Warrior, The Lover, and The Friend. Understanding how they operate and how they complement each other is an effective antidote for toxic masculinity. Here is a brief overview of the Four Faces::

1. The King Face reflects righteous energy. The essence of this face is leadership. It provides protection and direction for others. It loves what is right. The man who wears the King Face leads with integrity. And, he is a blessing to others.

2. The Warrior Face reflects courageous energy. A true warrior takes the initiative for a purpose greater than himself. He is assertive, but that assertiveness is submitted to God. He fights for the benefit of others. The man who wears the Warrior Face is a man of action, and his actions flow out of his submission to God.

3. The Lover Face reflects relational energy. This face is primarily associated with tender care for others and a willingness to be emotionally vulnerable. It allows a man to live in intimacy with the most important relationships in his life—his family.

4. The Friend Face reflects connecting energy, especially in his capacity to connect to other men. This face is critical for accountability and encouragement. The man who wears the Friend Face pursues character-shaping friendships.

Each of these faces can get twisted and morph into ugly caricatures like the distorted images in a carnival funhouse mirror. These caricatures are the faces of toxic masculinity.

When a man’s King Face is skewed too far to the right he can turn into a tyrant, a bully, or a dictator. He becomes self-righteous and argumentative. His power is perverted and his influence is corrupted. When skewed too far to the left, he becomes a compromiser, losing his integrity and character.

If the Warrior Face is skewed too far to the right, you get a destroyer. You get a guy who is abusive and harsh. The other extreme is a wimp. This is a guy with no backbone. He is quick to tap-out and surrender. He’s more concerned about his comfort than being courageous.

When the Lover Face is pushed too far to the right you get an overly-sensitive guy who still needs a pacifier. He’s still a little boy looking for someone to take care of him. Too far to the left and you get the typical, disconnected, detached, isolated man who is all in his head and rarely, if ever, genuinely present.

When the Friend Face is skewed too far to the right, you become a leech. You have a lot of needs, but you contribute very little. If you turn the dial too far to the left you become a loner—a guy who thinks he doesn’t need anybody because he’s got this.

All of these caricatures have been the faces of toxic masculinity since the Fall of Man. Turning the spotlight on them and giving them a name will expose these destructive versions of masculinity and help move us closer to the cure. For me personally, it helps to know where the ditches are in my journey toward authentic manhood. I want it to jerk my head around and keep me focused on what I was designed to be. The true and balance faces of real manhood: The King, The Warrior, The Lover, and The Friend.

Part 2 of 3. Adapted from 33 The Series, Volume 1: A Man and His Design. Learn more at authenticmanhoodinitiative.com

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The Cure For Toxic Masculinity – Part 1: Recalibrate

By Tierce Green

The term TOXIC MASCULINITY isn’t new, but it’s gotten a resurgence with the MeToo Movement. When you attach the word “toxic” to anything an alarm goes off, and in this case it should. There are versions of masculinity that are professionally and relationally demeaning. They’re culturally destructive, and even though some of these guys are too self-absorbed to see it, these twisted versions of masculinity are personally debilitating. Toxic masculinity is real. It’s hazardous material that can’t be covered up with a “boys will be boys” blanket.

The question is what do we do about it? Clearly, we need to call it out when we see it, but the culture needs to be shifted so toxic masculinity automatically reveals itself. Zero-tolerance policies and legislation can begin to turn things around, but you can’t just flip a switch. A real culture shift takes time.

The danger in conversations like this is an extreme reaction that over-corrects and leads to the opinion that any discussion about manhood is toxic. This implies that the solution is to round up all the men and have them neutered. One definition of “neuter” is “to render ineffective; deprive of vigor or force.” There are some who would say, “That’s exactly what needs to be done!” Negative experiences have so distorted the idea of manhood that it’s difficult to imagine a healthy version.

The cure for toxic masculinity cannot be contained in a few paragraphs, but it can begin with a recalibration to what manhood was originally intended to be. Men need a clear and compelling definition of real manhood. If not, they will aim at the wrong target or aim at nothing at all. And if you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time! Either way, it leads to confusion, disappointment and pain. Confused, disappointed and hurting men create major problems for themselves and others, even hurting those they love. Most men keep their struggles to themselves, and they won’t ask for help until the damage is too great to correct.

The best definition of manhood comes straight from the source—God’s original design for men. The Bible presents a tale of two men—the First Adam from the Book of Genesis and the Second Adam, Jesus. The First Adam was passive. Instead of accepting responsibility when he sinned, he tried to blame his wife. He was MIA as a leader. He made choices based on his own comfort and a warped idea of significance and success. That’s toxic masculinity.

In every area that Adam failed, Jesus was successful. He is our model for authentic manhood. As we look closely at His life we discover that real men reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously, and invest eternally.

If you look at this definition through the grid of conventional manhood, strong leaders might assume that because they are successful they’ve at least got the first three of those covered. Some church leaders might think that since their mission is about investing eternally anyway that they can check that one off, too.

We don’t reject passivity at the expense of the dignity of others. We accept responsibility for our own actions, but we don’t steal it from others and render them useless. We lead courageously without suppressing and pushing people aside. Truly investing eternally doesn’t mean ignoring the present.

When we get this right, men will begin to live for something greater than themselves and discover the life of truth, passion, and purpose they are created to live—shifting the culture and helping us recalibrate to manhood as God intended it to be.

Part 1 of 3. Adapted from 33 The Series, Volume 1: A Man and His Design. Learn more at authenticmanhoodinitiative.com

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