The Cure For Toxic Masculinity – Part 1: Recalibrate
By Tierce Green
The term TOXIC MASCULINITY isn’t new, but it’s gotten a resurgence with the MeToo Movement. When you attach the word “toxic” to anything an alarm goes off, and in this case it should. There are versions of masculinity that are professionally and relationally demeaning. They’re culturally destructive, and even though some of these guys are too self-absorbed to see it, these twisted versions of masculinity are personally debilitating. Toxic masculinity is real. It’s hazardous material that can’t be covered up with a “boys will be boys” blanket.
The question is what do we do about it? Clearly, we need to call it out when we see it, but the culture needs to be shifted so toxic masculinity automatically reveals itself. Zero-tolerance policies and legislation can begin to turn things around, but you can’t just flip a switch. A real culture shift takes time.
The danger in conversations like this is an extreme reaction that over-corrects and leads to the opinion that any discussion about manhood is toxic. This implies that the solution is to round up all the men and have them neutered. One definition of “neuter” is “to render ineffective; deprive of vigor or force.” There are some who would say, “That’s exactly what needs to be done!” Negative experiences have so distorted the idea of manhood that it’s difficult to imagine a healthy version.
The cure for toxic masculinity cannot be contained in a few paragraphs, but it can begin with a recalibration to what manhood was originally intended to be. Men need a clear and compelling definition of real manhood. If not, they will aim at the wrong target or aim at nothing at all. And if you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time! Either way, it leads to confusion, disappointment and pain. Confused, disappointed and hurting men create major problems for themselves and others, even hurting those they love. Most men keep their struggles to themselves, and they won’t ask for help until the damage is too great to correct.
The best definition of manhood comes straight from the source—God’s original design for men. The Bible presents a tale of two men—the First Adam from the Book of Genesis and the Second Adam, Jesus. The First Adam was passive. Instead of accepting responsibility when he sinned, he tried to blame his wife. He was MIA as a leader. He made choices based on his own comfort and a warped idea of significance and success. That’s toxic masculinity.
In every area that Adam failed, Jesus was successful. He is our model for authentic manhood. As we look closely at His life we discover that real men reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously, and invest eternally.
If you look at this definition through the grid of conventional manhood, strong leaders might assume that because they are successful they’ve at least got the first three of those covered. Some church leaders might think that since their mission is about investing eternally anyway that they can check that one off, too.
We don’t reject passivity at the expense of the dignity of others. We accept responsibility for our own actions, but we don’t steal it from others and render them useless. We lead courageously without suppressing and pushing people aside. Truly investing eternally doesn’t mean ignoring the present.
When we get this right, men will begin to live for something greater than themselves and discover the life of truth, passion, and purpose they are created to live—shifting the culture and helping us recalibrate to manhood as God intended it to be.
Part 1 of 3. Adapted from 33 The Series, Volume 1: A Man and His Design. Learn more at authenticmanhoodinitiative.com