By Tierce Green

What is it that every son wants and needs from his father? It’s important to understand the answer to this question because it not only helps us understand and process the relationship we had with our fathers, but it also helps guide us in our relationship with our sons. There are five things that are essential for a healthy father and son relationship.

[1] TIME TOGETHER. Experiences that build lifelong positive memories. Time together puts weight into a son’s soul that steadies him for life. It’s stuff like just taking a walk together, climbing a mountain together, working on a project together, or taking a special trip together. “Just me and Dad” – that’s what your son is thinking. He’s also thinking, “Dad doesn’t just love me. He really likes me! He’s supposed to love me, but he enjoys being with me.” Kids will grow in your presence when they know you truly enjoy them. That’s what time together does.

[2] LIFE SKILLS. Training must go beyond what he learns from books. He needs to be equipped with practical life skills that will help him succeed so he won’t be standing around when the hood’s up on the car, looking at the motor and wondering what it is. He’ll know where the oil stick is and he’ll know what to do with it. He’ll know how to check his tires. He’ll know how to tie his tie. He’ll know how to write a thank-you note. He’ll know proper dinner etiquette.

You don’t want your son to be fumbling around when he’s eighteen, or in his twenties, having to ask some other guy how to act. That breeds insecurity. He’ll know how to manage his bank account. He’ll know how to save money and spend less than he makes. He’ll know how to set his own alarm and get up by himself. He’ll know how to keep his room clean. He’ll know to act on a date with a woman. He’ll know how to share his heart. He won’t feel like a fool in life, because you’ve trained him up in the way he should go. Every son needs practical life skills from his dad.

[3] DIRECTION AND SOLID ANSWERS TO THE WHY QUESTIONS OF LIFE. More than just life skills, he needs a philosophy from his dad for what life is all about. You need to be talking to your son about what’s really important – the higher things, the noble things. Having spiritual conversations in your family should be normal. Your son needs to be comfortable talking to you about deep things, not just hunting, sports, and cars. Those discussions are great, but they won’t by themselves give a son direction in life.

[4] DEEP LIFE CONVICTIONS. Much of this comes from his dad’s modeling. Remember this: You will leave in your son what you’ve lived out in your home. It’s not just what you say; it’s what you do. It’s the way you react to situations. It’s the way he sees you make choices. When a son sees his dad model godly behavior, that is what builds conviction and a certain security about life.

[5] DAD'S HEART. Every son needs to be loved by dad. Every son needs to be affirmed by dad. And, every son needs his father’s blessing. That’s how a father gives his heart to his son.

There really needs to be some marked moments where a father can cast a vision for his son, affirm his strengths and gifts, and commit to help him step into that future vision. There’s nothing that gives more weight and value to a son than to have his dad put his arm around him at strategic moments, and look at him and say, “Son, I love you. I’m so proud of you!” Every son loves to hear his dad say, “You’re good at something.”

God the Father exhibited the importance of a son hearing these three things when he spoke from heaven in Matthew 17:5 saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!” This was God saying I love you my son, I’m proud of you, and I’m affirming your teaching skills. There is nothing more powerful in a son’s life than Dad’s heart.

Those are the essentials. If a son doesn’t get time with his dad, or some life skills, or some direction, some convictions, or some heart, it leaves a huge vacuum and void in his life.

This is an excerpt from 33 The Series, Volume 2: A Man and His Story, Session 2: Dad. While the content specifically refers to fathers and sons, it is easily transferable to father and daughter relationships.

Every man must come to grips with the defining moments that have shaped his unique story. A Man and His Story helps men learn how to deal responsibly with their story by understanding their past and discovering God's best for their future. Learn more and order resources at authenticmanhoodinitiative.com. Save $5 with discount code: tiercegreen